Constantly people ask my husband and I about our adoption efforts, and to be perfectly honest, what we tell them is not really positive. Adoption is one of the hardest things in our eyes that a family has to go through. Trying to find a birthmother, trying not to get scammed, and definitely trying not to get attached or have hope that you will get a particular child.
There have been so many different scenarios with all of these things that we have gone through, and it makes us almost numb to anything new. We want to tell you about our stories.
Finding a birthmother doesn't seem that hard right? For us, it has been almost impossible. You see young girls (I mean 15-17 yr olds) getting pregnant and either keeping the baby because the grandparents want it and will take care of it, or they end up getting it aborted, or they choose an agency that will charge an arm and a leg! In some cases, the mother has decided to give up their child, and at the very last minute (sometimes after you have already held them in your arms) they will change their mind, and you leave empty handed.
I would love it if every mother was able to keep their children, and in a perfect world, everyone would be able to have all they desire. Many people don't realize what a birthmother has to go through in her choice to give up her child. Would anyone want to give up their child willingly? Most would say no, I know I would say no. The courage and strength that a birthmother has to be able to provide her child with a better life, is one of the hardest decisions out there. And you never really know how hard they are striving no to make it work. How many countless hours they are putting in at multiple jobs just to make ends meet.
I would have to say that birth others are my unsung heroes. And I can't wait to one day, get to know one in a way that we share our child's life together.
With adoption, your whole heart is in it. It makes it very difficult, and your emotions are going crazy! We had an experience once, which I don't know why anyone would ever do this, but it was a scam. They led us on about how she was dying of cancer, and that she needed to have someone adopt her one year old daughter. She was gorgeous and we immediately fell in love.
She was constantly sending us pictures and things about the child. She even had her lawyer contact us. There were a couple of red flags though, that we want to tell you about! Make sure you look at the grammar! Their grammar was awful, including the lawyer. She was also living in Cameroon Africa. We thought it would be great to get a little Africa American baby, they even said that we wouldn't have to go there, because they would have a social worker bring them.
So next point, make sure you check the adoption laws in every state and country! According to the laws, we would have to be there for a minimum of three months before we would even be considered to adopt the child! Crazy right? So, we stopped that one. Luckily before we spent any money, or we sent any money!
Lastly, there have been so many "almost" adoptions, where we find one that we just fall in love with, and they never turn out. We put in our application with these children, and we would wait on the response for weeks, getting ready for the possible opportunity of getting these children, and getting our hopes up, then having them dashed to pieces.
How expensive is adoption? Think about how much it is to buy a really nice car, and your in the ball park! Most adoptions cost anywhere from $15,000-$50,000 on average. I don't know about you guys, but as young college students, we don't have that much money laying around! But, as a young family, we also don't want to wait forever to start a family.
Our life may be hectic right now, but we wouldn't change these experiences for anything. We rely heavily on the love and support from our friends and family, and of course having faith in our Heavenly Father that all will be alright in the end!
-much love as always,
Bart & Aly
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